n every woman's life, there comes a very special moment. It’s a moment that is both sacred and profane, prosaic and poetic. It is a moment that, if life were like the movies, would be accompanied by a sparkling rainbow, the soundtrack to Xanadu, and butterflies emerging from between everyone’s thighs. It is a moment whose spirit we can never capture, but whose beauty we must always remember, because after this moment comes, we can never go back again. What is this moment, you ask? It is the moment when a woman writes a story about her own boobs on the Internet, for every goddamn person to read.

This is that moment. Please, have a seat.