t came as absolutely zero surprise when I received an email from a Mormon reader, expressing disagreement with our previous Mormon teen interviewees. (It was, however, a surprise to discover I have Mormon readers. Hi, Mormon readers! Welcome! Take a pamphlet!) I suggested this reader, whom we'll call Amanda, answer the same questions, thus offering us a broader perspective on this mystery we call Mormonism. Amanda is 28 years old and lives in North Central Florida. She's been married to her husband (a non-member) for nearly 10 years. They have no children and no plans for children. In fact, if you ask Amanda what she'll do if she ever gets pregnant, she starts making stabbing motions at her belly, and it's very disturbing, so let's not do that, shall we? Instead, let's listen in.

How did you become a Mormon? In other words, how did this happen to you?
My parents are both converts. My mother was a drug addict and general loose woman until she met the Missionaries. I believe she was brainwashed by the church, as she would have been by any church or group she found at that time in her life. I’m just lucky she found Mormons instead of Moonies; they definitely eat better. My dad was in the Navy and met my mom while he was still in the service. She told him he would have to convert to marry her, so he did.

My sister and I attended church together until I was about 16, the Age of Dating, when I started pursuing nookie instead of The Lawd. Once I moved out of my parents’ house, I did church on my own. Which means I read the scriptures online every day at work, I pray all the time (mainly just to express my need to choke a bitch and ask for patience so I don’t end up in jail), and from time to time, I invite the Missionaries over to my house. I feel horribly out of place at church meetings, so I don’t go. I have wondered if I’m the Anti-Christ and that could be the reason I’m so uncomfortable, but I have no cool demonic powers, so I think that theory is out. Which is lame, cause I would make an awesome Anti-Christ.

I feel very close to The Lawd and feel like I’m doing okay as a Mormon despite my lack of rule-following.

What do you think of Joseph Smith? And who would play him in the movie?
I think he was a prophet, called by The Lawd, did his job, got shot. The end. I can think of way cooler and more exciting prophets, like Moses as played by Charlton “Let my people go, Ramses!” Heston, but Mormons kind of get stuck with all the most boring things. We can’t do anything fun and have no cool holidays or jewelry. All we do is eat.

Knowing the way Hollywood casting goes, probably Tom Cruise or Keanu Reaves. Barf.

What is the craziest thing about Mormonism?
Having grown up in the church, none of it seems crazy to me. I understand the meaning behind the “holy underwear,” baptisms for the dead, and special blessings. I may not agree with all of it, but now that I’m older and have taken the time to research for myself, I understand them.

I think the number of meetings and their insane duration is a little weird. The regular Sunday sacrament meeting and classes last three hours, which are followed with another committee, women’s or men’s and youth group meetings. Then there are mid-week gatherings as well. Awesome when you’re trying to escape an oppressive and abusive home life, less so when you want to catch up on your TiVO and go out to dinner. “Dude, we gotta go to church, again?! We just got back!” Also, we tend to say “Dude!” a lot. Or that could just be me.

Why are Mormons so nice?
I was nice because my parents used to beat the everliving shit out of me if I wasn’t!

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the Karmic Law will mess yo’ shit up. It pays to be nice, but more than that, it’s just what you do. I cannot emphasize this enough. You help people who need helping and try not to punch the terminally stupid. I guess because you hope that when the situation is reversed, you being the one stranded on the side of I-75 in the dark or just the person who can’t remember her PIN number at Target, you hope people would treat you the way you treat them.

What is the worst thing about being a Mormon?
There are a frikkin’ lot of danged rules. Not like Judaism, but still a buttload.

What’s the best thing about Mormonism?
Uh, we don’t believe in Hell. We believe that even the very lowest degree of Heaven, where people like Pol Pot and Herman Melville end up, is still better than anything you could ever imagine. [Ed. note: Herman Melville!!]

It’s also a pretty feminist religion. Gospel says: A woman should obey and respect her husband. A righteous husband will always treat his wife with love and respect and treasure her as the greatest gift The Lawd has entrusted to him, outside of his kids. A woman only has to obey and respect her husband if he’s righteous, which I constantly throw at my husband, the non-member. “I don’t have to listen to you, Heathen!”

What does a Mormon teen do to rebel? I mean, other than reading Sarahhepola.com?
Lie and enjoy the carnal pleasures, just like St. Augustine.

I used to sneak make-up and “short” skirts to school in seventh grade. I lied about going to R-rated movies. I lied about the age of the guys I was dating. I lied about going to church with my boyfriend so we could make out and “neck,” a concept I never understood when it was written about in church pamphlets. (“So you, like, rub your necks together? This sucks.”)

What is the one thing you want us to know about you, maybe to assure us that two Mormon teens growing up in southern Idaho aren’t totally insane?
I did live in Malta, ID, before moving to Florida. All we did was kill snakes in our basement.

As far as the Mormon thing goes, I think The Church, like most things in life, is what you make of it. The Church can be more intense and preachy than a tent revival or it can be just laid-back and “mind your own business.” It’s up to you what you do with it. I hope Lucy and Olive are both able to get away from The Church and their families and live on their own terms for a while. Give it a couple years and then see if being Mormon is right for them. It may not be. It wasn’t for my sister.

Mitt Romney: Hot or not?
Too smarmy and too fake, which is my problem with most politicians. I would much prefer to have a politician say something like; “Yeah, I fucked her. And it felt gooooooooooooooood!”