or nearly a year now, this website lay dormant. During that time, many things happened: Summer turned to fall and then to gray slush in the rain gutters; Anna Nicole Smith died; people got really jazzed about Heroes. Oh, I got mugged at gun point in New Orleans, and I didn’t even write about it. Which kind of means it didn’t happen, which definitely means I want my $60 back. What else? I rediscovered Special K cereal. I’m considering the Special K challenge. It’s not for the faint-hearted, kids, but I think I could hack it. Let me tell you something that did not happen: I did not write a book. This, despite a very public declaration that I WOULD write a book, featured on Slate and later on NPR. I hate it when I do shit like that.

To be clear: I still stand behind every word of that essay—except, possibly, the word “quotidian”—it’s just that I didn’t have the right idea. I had an idea, and I wrote 11,000 words of said idea, and then I realized I didn’t care enough about the idea to keep going. Sorry, world, you’re minus one monkey sci-fi/fantasy novel. (God, I wish I’d been writing a monkey sci-fi/fantasy novel. Hmmm, maybe I should shut down this website again.)

So anyway, having tossed out the Big Idea last summer, I faced a dilemma—own up to this failure and blog again, or start writing a different book? I chose C: Watch too much TV. But it’s spring now, and I’ve been gone long enough. Besides, there is so much that’s good about my life right now. For example: This year, I watched the Oscars with some of my favorite people in New York and we had a party at my friend’s incredibly lovely apartment, and we had all these hilarious, amazing bets going on, and it was just the most fun ever. Also for example: I went to a Broadway opening the other night. (There were celebrities!!!) So maybe that’s why I feel okay admitting I didn’t write the book. Do I want to write a book? Sure, maybe. I know a lot of people wrote me encouraging emails about it, and I feel like I let them down. But I also know that’s kind of self-important and silly. Besides, I’m doing so much other writing. I’ll tell you more about that later. ENOUGH ABOUT ME ALREADY. How are you? Is that a new haircut? How’s your family? I missed you. You look good. Have some Special K, why don’t you? We’ll talk more soon.