drink liquid constantly. Diet Coke, Diet Dr Pepper, coffee, water, iced tea. Also, booze. This results in my needing a bathroom almost exactly every 30 minutes. You could set your watch to this. (Please don’t.) Of course, all my subway trips take around an hour. Do you see where I’m going with this? Forget finding a job, an apartment, a boyfriend—the hardest thing to find in New York City is a goddamn public toilet. Thankfully, McDonald’s will help a girl out. So will Duane Reade pharmacy, if you smile nice and buy cough drops. But far and away the best bathroom – the cleanest, kindest, friendliest public bathroom is at Starbucks.

I have not always had good things to say about Starbucks. Their coffee is bitter, it’s overpriced, and they’ve endangered every charming, pretentious little coffeeshop I ever frequented. Big whoop. All of this is peanuts compared to the luxury of their clean public toilets. So I take it all back. Too many Starbucks? Pshaw. I say not nearly enough!