his afternoon, I'm going to Ozzfest. You heard me: Ozzfest. I've never been, but I have seen the Penelope Spheeris documentary, which made it seem as though the whole place was populated by ugly teen boys with rape fantasies.

In order to keep myself occupied, I have devised a scavenger hunt for the afternoon. Please tell me if I've missed anything.

Girl showing breasts (10) Drunk (+5)

Baby with mohawk (10)

Mud-wrestling (10) Girl-on-girl (+5)

Sausage on a stick (5) In my hand (-10)

Reference to the homosexuality of Judas Priests' Rob Halford in anything other than a derogatory way. (20)

Anyone wearing a cute corduroy skirt. Besides me. (15)

Ozzy Osbourne performing (10) Kelly Osbourne performing (-5)

The phrase: "Slayer, dude!" (15)

Line for the boys bathroom waaaaay longer than the line for the girls (5)

Anytime I ask someone, "Who is this band?": -2

Anytime someone touches my ass or boob: +2

Total possible points: 100 (plus bonus)

And I'm off! Rawk!