. Blind Contour Drawing is the next big thing. Do you ever read glossy publications that talk about the next big thing? They are talking about Blind Contour Drawing. Blind Contour Drawing is a smash because it's so simple. All you do is draw pictures of people without looking at your hand. Try it. Look: You suck! But it doesn't matter, because you've made a funny, Cubist-like portrait that passes for Ahhht, dahling.

2. Creativity meets Strategy in a New Game where Ego is on the line and Danger just clicked in. Time is running out! Do my grad school application. Please!

3. The board game Heartthrobs was made in 1987. It is also known as "The Dream Date Game." The game Heartthrobs comes with 60 portraits of hunky teen boys. There's Johnny the guitar player, a kind of Rick Springfield-type. Look, it's Steve the football star, just about to throw a winning pass. RAWR, who's that? Must be Daniel the longhaired Latin lover. (Call me!) My game of Heartthrobs did not come with instructions, but it did come with four stacks of "personality" cards, presumably intended to tell players about the Heartthrobs. So, for instance, Jason of the Jean Jacket is the class president, check, and a computer genius, check, but he also eats bugs to gross out girls. Ewww! Will he be my heartthrob? Okay, look, I don't actually know how Heartthrobs is played, but isn't it enough that it exists?

4. Do you remember the board game Life? Now THAT was a good game.

5. Drink. Stress. Smoke. Repeat.
Shit, do you know how much you need to get done in the next two weeks? Like, do you have any idea?
Drink. Stress. Smoke. Repeat.