Question: So you've been on another continent for four months. It's not really THAT long, but still, a lot has happened in those months. And the question on everyone's lips is this: Will we be able to recognize you?
Sarah Hepola: Absolutely.
Q: You haven't changed at all?
SH: Well, of course I've changed. For instance, I have this huge pimple right here, just off the left corner of my mouth.
Q: Right by the crease, where it gets kinda oily? Oh, yeah, that is a real trouble spot.
SH: You're telling me. Anyway, also I'm a bit tanner.
Q: I must say I've never seen you this tan.
SH: Nor have I. And I never cared much about being tan. I always thought people who cared about being tan were a little, you know, vapid.
Q: But now?
SH: Now I have a tan. And it RULES! Actually, I'm considering getting really into being tan. Like a total obsessive. Laying in the sun with a frying pan under my face, covering my body with that strange lotion that turns your skin orange, spending all my cash at Palm Beach Tan, selling books and donating blood for a few extra minutes in the bed. That kind of thing.
Q: Frying pan under your face?
SH: Oh whatever. You know what I'm talking about.
Q: So how is your Spanish?
SH: I'll be honest, here. My Spanish is brilliant.
Q: Really? Because from a lot of what you wrote, it sort of seemed like you had trouble with the language. It sort of seemed like, you know, you might have been a little retarded or something.
SH: All for the laughs, all for the laughs. The truth is, I speak Spanish better than Spanish speakers. They're always commenting on how I use all these words they never even knew existed.
Q: Like what?
SH: Like what? Monkey butt.
Q: I'm sorry?
SH: Just a little South American humor. But really, I gotta motor.
Q: Okay, just one more question. What do you miss the most? I mean, other than your family and your friends, which everyone always says but of course that's so boring?
SH: What do I miss? Breakfast tacos. Breakfast tacos and bathtubs.
Q: Breakfast tacos and bathtubs. At this time of year, that's something to think about. Thank you, Sarah.
SH: My pleasure. If it's English, I understand it. That's my new motto. Well, that's my first-draft motto, because I just thought of it off the top of my head right now, and I'm sure it could use some tightening. But the point is I'm really looking forward to talking with people, to reconnecting with the peeps, if you know what I'm saying. It's been a tough four months in America. But hey -- Sarah Hepola is back.