t's hard to spend time in Appalachia without thinking of Ned Beatty. Poor Ned Beatty, who in his career and (according to Burt Reynolds, who seemed genuinely choked up about it when he was interviewed by E!) in his life, never got past being told to squeal like a piggie. I suspect the citizens of Northeastern Georgia have never gotten over Deliverance, either, or their depiction as hairless, terrifying butt-rapists.

As stereotypes go, it's pretty vicious, and I bet James Dickey (who wrote the book) and John Boorman (who directed the film) wouldn't spend much time alone on a river in Northern Georgia, because the hairless, terrifying butt-rapists would surely get them! But seriously. It's a monstrous stereotype, and we should put a stop to it. The Appalachians I met weren't scary. They were sweet, simple folk who, collectively, happen to score worse on standaridized tests like the SAT than any other state. But they're people, just like you and me. Take this example, when I stopped to use the pay phone at Booger Holler's convenience store in Blairsville, Georgia.

Me: So why do you call this place Booger Holler?
Female Clerk: That jes' what it's always been called. This here's Booger Holler and so this here's Booger Holler's convenience store. [turning to friend] Say, did you see "Smoky and the Bandit" on the TV last night?

Later, when the phone card I bought wouldn't work, I returned. Listen in:

Me: Hey, do you have any idea why this phone card won't work?
Female Clerk: I ain't never used one uh them thangs. Trish, you used one uh them thangs? You prolly just type in them numbers.
Me: Well, I just paid five dollars for it and I want to make sure it works.
Female Clerk: Oh they work. You just prolly type in them numbers.

As it turned out, the phone card did work. It was the pay phone that didn't. I discovered that after trying three (3) different pay phones, all in various states of disrepair. Good to know that when the hairless, terrifying butt-rapists attack, I've got AT&T on my side!

But I'm a Texan. Don't I know better than to traffic in cruel and easy stereotypes? After all, this part of the state is gorgeously green, ivy blanketing the mountainside, drooping from telephone wires. When the breeze kicks in, leaves flutter to the ground like parade confetti. Now if they could just get rid of the hairless, terrifying butt-rapists, it would be a great place to visit!

written in Athens, Georgia