rompt #4: I want to hear more about the fickle, backbiting politics in the Austin JUGGLING [name changed] critics' scene. Even though you're not really doing that anymore. But you *must* have anecdotes. I want to see an underbelly, and I want it *seedy*!
Sent in by: Mike

Wow. Okay.
So a few years ago, I wrote JUGGLING reviews for THE WEEKLY CYNICAL.[names in capital letters indicate where text was altered to save my pansy ass.] It was a natural segue into the paper for me -- I'd JUGGLED in a few college shows, even wrote and directed an original piece. So for about three years, I reviewed JUGGLING around town -- everything from the top-notch masters to the fumbling, middle-school amateurs -- I wasn't exactly the most respected critic in town, but hey, I turned a paycheck. After all that time, though, I fear I have little underbelly to expose. Did a prominent JUGGLING critic and I get lousy drunk on white wine at the annual consortium of critics, in which we made nominations for local performances, indeed so drunk that neither he nor I could really remember any of the JUGGLING performances from that year? Yes, we did. Did we then proceed to say absolutely ghastly things about that year in JUGGLING and specifically about overrated divas at overpriced JUGGLING venues? Well, who wouldn't? This is JUGGLING, after all. It's all drama and gossip. Have I ever fallen asleep during a JUGGLING show? Well, of course, and if you know anything about Austin JUGGLING, you'll understand. Have I ever regretted something I wrote? Absolutely. Did I ever feel unqualified or envious or lazy or biased? Yes, yes, yes, and yes, and to what extent you want to extend that to other critics is up to you. I don't know. To my knowledge, none of us critics shagged anyone all that interesting, although I once told a handsome JUGGLER that he'd have to sleep with me for a good review. He did, but I panned him anyway. (A joke!) You know, a friend of mine, a transplant from New York, actually mourned the lack of scandal in our city's JUGGLING scene. She thought it signalled stagnation and lack of interest. Her reviews were subsequently shitkicking, meant to celebrate good talent and burn the rest. I admired her fire. Except I don't think she anticipated how personal the JUGGLERS and JUGGLING-RELATED PEOPLE would take those reviews (once a waiter at a local diner refused to serve her), nor did she anticipate how personally she would take their scorn. She is now back in New York and, I suspect in many ways, is much more at home.
I wish I had more dirt. Really, I do. But one of the reasons for the JUGGLING scene's notorious gossipy nature is that everyone relies on everyone else for their job. Everything has to be whisper and insinuation, because you never know who might be responsible for getting you your next gig. In juggling. Cause that's what I'm talking about -- juggling. You know, with the balls. So with that in mind, I probably should just keep my big mouth shut. (And Mike, I'll just email you all the really juicy stuff. It'll knock yer socks off!)