long with a series of other questions that I will answer later in the week, my friend David Snyder writes the following:

"Sarahhepola.com should have more dialogue. We like dialogue, and sarahhepola.com does it very well."

Well, David, I appreciate that. I like dialogue too. And yet, when I am writing, I often forget that. Usually it's because I am trying to impress with my fancy metaphors and imagery. But I forget that for many readers, myself included, dialogue is often the best and most important part of a story, and metaphors and imagery are the things I skip. So just for you, David, I've put together a dialogue between the two of us. I hope you enjoy it.

David: Sarah Hepola. How the hell are you?
Sarah: I'm good, David. I've been crazy bingeing on movies lately -- In the Bedroom, Storytelling, Monster's Ball, Gosford Park. Sometimes, I see like two in one day. I'm out of control.
David: Really? Which one's your favorite?
Sarah: In the Bedroom is probably my favorite movie of the year.
David: Really?
Sarah: But then Gosford Park is so classy and tight and insightful. The best Robert Altman since Shortcuts.
David: You don't say.
Sarah: And whileI felt sort of braced to dislike Monster's Ball, probably because I'm not crazy about the actors, I was so absorbed by the story that I just --

Whoa, whoa, whoa, this isn't working. David, I'm sorry, your dialogue is pathetic. Look at that. What's wrong with me? Whenever I have a dialogue between a man and a woman, it's like the woman is this mouthy or sarcastic or troubled or sensitive-type person with all the lines and the guy is this non-entity. A cipher. We've gotta fix this. Now I'm going to write a dialogue in which David, the man, is the center of attention.

David: Sarah Hepola. How the hell are you?
Sarah: Good. How are you, David?
David: I've been kind of down lately.
Sarah: Uh-oh. Do you want to talk about it?
David: Well, sure. It's just everything. The job, the missus, the weather.
Sarah: Sounds terrible.
David: Whew. It's such a relief to talk to a woman about these things. It's hard being a man sometimes, what with the societal pressures and the limited wardrobe.
Sarah: I'll bet.
David: No glitter or spangly jewelry.
Sarah: What hell!
David: I can't talk about feelings with other men. I can't cry with other men. I can't tongue-kiss other men.
Sarah: I can't imagine.

Hold on. That didn't quite come out as I had planned. Let's try this thing one more time.

David: Sarah Hepola. How the hell are you?
Sarah: I'm good. It's good to see you.
David: You too. Oh man, do you know what I was thinking about the other day?
Sarah: I don't.
David: How when we were in college, you wrote that play that I acted in.
Sarah: Uh-huh?
David: And how I played that guy, the guy that dates the sarcastic, troubled alcoholic-type girl.
Sarah: Uh-huh?
David: And how I was kind of rude to you this one night. I think maybe I'd had too much to drink and, well so anyway, I said something about how you couldn't really write dialogue for men.
Sarah: That's right. I remember that.
David: I just wanted to tell you I was way out of line. You write really well for men. I don't know what I was thinking. So it was on my mind, and I just wanted to apologize. I was wrong.
Sarah: Well, the important thing is that you admitted that.
David: Yeah. You know, it's hard to be a man.
Sarah: I know, David.
David: Well, smooches, pooches.
Sarah: Right back atchya, David. Right back.

CURTAIN.

Ed. note: David Snyder never even came close to saying any of the above statements in real life, except for the phrase "How the hell are you?" which, if memory serves, Dave says a lot.